Once upon a time, Albert Camus said "every day is a fight, so you best bring your fucking a-game." Actually, that's paraphrased... he actually said "I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgment, it takes place every day."
To remind yourself of this, be sure to attempt the closest shave possible on every applicable morning. If all goes well, you'll draw blood at least five times. Good morning, endorphins.. how are you? Good to hear. I'm doing juuuuuust fine.
Had a good conversation recently that I can't get out of my head- it's really driven home the fact that I've learned so much from my experience here, from having time to delve into my own head while finding new and interesting ways to pass the 'survival' threshold and barge into the 'thrive' zone. The prior is one of those lessons.
What else? Ahhhh yes... again with Camus. "Everything is ridiculous. Learn this. Accept it. Never stop fighting it." Or, again with the real quote... "From the moment absurdity is recognized, it becomes a passion, the most harrowing of all." From Camus' essays on Sisyphus, the idea is that people can be almost completely satisfied by relatively meaningless and wasteful struggle. Things here have been almost entirely an adventure in trial and error, an approach that I wasn't so keen on before, mostly because I had to reap the consequences of error. Then, though, I didn't understand the amazing trade-off of usually temporary consequence for the boon of unforgettable knowledge and wisdom. The questions are not 'why am I running up this hill and dodging falling boulders' or 'when does the hill end,' but rather 'what am I learning from this?' Trust me, after you spend $15 you don't necessarily have on soymilk that turns out to be dirt-water grey and sweet as sin, you never ever do it again.
People need this struggle. If they don't have it, they create it for themselves (See: Earthquake Button Theory). The primal instinct of man is to struggle for survival; in the civilized setting we find ourselves in these days, we don't enjoy the same adversity that we used to. Nothing is hunting us, we don't need to kill to eat, the human race will still be here whether we pass futilely or not. So, naturally, we've replaced these ancient problems with new ones. We've replaced it with utter absurdity. Illogical systems of reward, punishment and organization. "In the part of this universe that we know there is great injustice, and often the good suffer, and often the wicked prosper, and one hardly knows which of those is the more annoying," quote Bertrand Russell. Furthermore, "Life is nothing but a competition to be the criminal rather than the victim." Does this mean that we should play by these revised and become the criminal? Absolutely not. Camus reminds us that the only acceptable response to this absurdity is to rebel. Do everything you can to fix it. The boulder will be at the bottom of the hill when you wake up the next day, waiting for you to do it all over again. That is what will fulfill your primal instinct. That right there.
I've also rejected the premise that our generation, now as adults, have the responsibility to carry the rules of the old into the future. No, no. We're the adults now, and we get to decide what that means. If that means eating cereal and ice cream everyday, so be it... just mind the consequences. If that means knocking on your neighbour's door and greeting him with a number of BB gun rounds before walking to work, so be it! Just mind the consequences. We've been raised with this idea that adulthood is about no longer doing what you want to do in the name of being proper and responsible. This is ridiculous. People still do exactly what they want; the fact that the consequences of one's actions change, that's where the problem is. It's not that we don't do what we want, it's that we want different things than we did, at least to some extent. That is how it always has been. Arranged marriages were accepted to avoid the scrutiny of the public, people become business majors with the ultimate end of financial freedom in mind, so on and so forth. The interesting dilemma of our generation is that many of us still want the same things. Many of us want to spend an entire day sitting around drinking soda and playing Super Nintendo games. Many of us want adorable penguin trash cans and shirts that play MP3s. So do it, I say! Do it! Just be mindful of the potential consequences of your actions. That's how people have been living for thousands of years. Now is not the time to stop because of some bogus doctrine of expectations that has been handed down to us. In summation: do what you want, just don't be terribly short-sighted.
There are other lessons, but it's about time to get up, get going and teach some students how to use English appropriately. I may also need more coffee.
-토마스
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Let It Roll Off You. Like Water.
The end of this week is going to signify a lot of changes at work. It's the end of the semester so, naturally, things will change. For the first time in my time here, however, the line-up of Middle School teachers will also change. Joel, my colleague and good friend, will be headed back home to Australia on Friday. In response to this, one full-time Middle School teacher and one half-Middle, half-Elementary teacher have been added to the foreign Middle School roster.
Things aren't all rosy, though- I've asked for a new timetable and it hasn't been released yet. Today's Thursday and I really want to have all of my ducks in a row for Monday, but our head teacher is afraid because a number of the Korean Middle School teachers are leaving. Three, I believe, of ten or so. So yes, it's going to be difficult to get a schedule together, but in response to this, I raised my fist with confidence and said the above.
"We can do it! Never give up!"
In spite of everything, I'm starting to feel ready for the role of 'veteran foreign Middle School teacher.' What's 'everything,' you ask? Well, in the past few weeks, there's been a good amount of social fragmentation amongst the foreign teachers. I don't know why or what's behind it, but there's a definite feeling of clique-ishness both in the office and out. I'd go on and list examples, but I don't want to waste my (or your) time with details. Add this to the fact that I live on the other side of the Overpass and things become more isolating. Top it off with the fact that, at the moment, I'm the only person working the hours I do and there you have it. Utter alienation. It's tough to deal with, but I'm learning to using my new mantra: Let it roll off you. Like water.
What most people don't realize is that some people spend a painfully large amount of effort simply to be normal, socially acceptable, what not. The people who spend that effort, well, I think they're making a rather sizeable mistake; consider modern existance a river of sorts. Clearly, this river flows rather rapidly. It's going to take a miracle to push against the stream, so it's much better to go with it... not in the sense that one has to conform, but in the sense that one doesn't, actually. The idea is that many go through great effort to build a boat or raft, craft oars from God-knows-what and then dump it into the river in order to float merrily along. Some people start with rafts. Some people start with yachts, even. Myself, I don't have anything, and I'll be damned if I'm going to waste my time building something to ensure my safety. The approach I favor is flinging one's self directly into the river and braving the adventure.
"We can do it! Never give up!"
Won't one crack his head on a rock doing things this way? Yeah, sure, maybe so. So what, though? After the first few times, he'll learn to gracefully maneuver around the rocks. Broken femurs, tibulas, sternums... these aren't a jackhammer to the head, they're a chisel to the stone. Step out of the river, brush yourself off, and then toss yourself in again. After all, what else is there?
'Oh, but the river doesn't make any sense!' Of course, you'll hear these objections. You'll even bark them when you get caught on a hook during your river ride. 'This hook shouldn't be here!' It doesn't matter whether the hook should or shouldn't be there; what matters is that it's there, and you need to deal with it.
It's essentially a way of saying 'don't sweat the small stuff,' but I'm trying to redefine what the 'small stuff' really is. In the end, I think the 'small stuff' really might just be everything. People worry too much. Case in point: if you're waiting to cross the street at a crosswalk in Korea and there's no light, just go. You'll be fine. If you start going and then you stop because a car is coming, that's when you're in the most danger. I was once told 'don't hesitate ever, ever again,' and the advice seems to hold true.
I was also told that I 'dress live a suave motherfucker, and it's about time to start acting like one.' I'm trying, I really am. I'm so accustomed to worrying about every last little thing, and I'm starting to learn in a big way that it does nothing but cause a person trouble.
Changing one's mindset is hard, but...
"We can do it! Never give up!"
Things aren't all rosy, though- I've asked for a new timetable and it hasn't been released yet. Today's Thursday and I really want to have all of my ducks in a row for Monday, but our head teacher is afraid because a number of the Korean Middle School teachers are leaving. Three, I believe, of ten or so. So yes, it's going to be difficult to get a schedule together, but in response to this, I raised my fist with confidence and said the above.
"We can do it! Never give up!"
In spite of everything, I'm starting to feel ready for the role of 'veteran foreign Middle School teacher.' What's 'everything,' you ask? Well, in the past few weeks, there's been a good amount of social fragmentation amongst the foreign teachers. I don't know why or what's behind it, but there's a definite feeling of clique-ishness both in the office and out. I'd go on and list examples, but I don't want to waste my (or your) time with details. Add this to the fact that I live on the other side of the Overpass and things become more isolating. Top it off with the fact that, at the moment, I'm the only person working the hours I do and there you have it. Utter alienation. It's tough to deal with, but I'm learning to using my new mantra: Let it roll off you. Like water.
What most people don't realize is that some people spend a painfully large amount of effort simply to be normal, socially acceptable, what not. The people who spend that effort, well, I think they're making a rather sizeable mistake; consider modern existance a river of sorts. Clearly, this river flows rather rapidly. It's going to take a miracle to push against the stream, so it's much better to go with it... not in the sense that one has to conform, but in the sense that one doesn't, actually. The idea is that many go through great effort to build a boat or raft, craft oars from God-knows-what and then dump it into the river in order to float merrily along. Some people start with rafts. Some people start with yachts, even. Myself, I don't have anything, and I'll be damned if I'm going to waste my time building something to ensure my safety. The approach I favor is flinging one's self directly into the river and braving the adventure.
"We can do it! Never give up!"
Won't one crack his head on a rock doing things this way? Yeah, sure, maybe so. So what, though? After the first few times, he'll learn to gracefully maneuver around the rocks. Broken femurs, tibulas, sternums... these aren't a jackhammer to the head, they're a chisel to the stone. Step out of the river, brush yourself off, and then toss yourself in again. After all, what else is there?
'Oh, but the river doesn't make any sense!' Of course, you'll hear these objections. You'll even bark them when you get caught on a hook during your river ride. 'This hook shouldn't be here!' It doesn't matter whether the hook should or shouldn't be there; what matters is that it's there, and you need to deal with it.
It's essentially a way of saying 'don't sweat the small stuff,' but I'm trying to redefine what the 'small stuff' really is. In the end, I think the 'small stuff' really might just be everything. People worry too much. Case in point: if you're waiting to cross the street at a crosswalk in Korea and there's no light, just go. You'll be fine. If you start going and then you stop because a car is coming, that's when you're in the most danger. I was once told 'don't hesitate ever, ever again,' and the advice seems to hold true.
I was also told that I 'dress live a suave motherfucker, and it's about time to start acting like one.' I'm trying, I really am. I'm so accustomed to worrying about every last little thing, and I'm starting to learn in a big way that it does nothing but cause a person trouble.
Changing one's mindset is hard, but...
"We can do it! Never give up!"
Friday, December 4, 2009
Itaewon, Swagger and You.
So I'm in Itaewon, hanging out and waiting. For what? That's an entirely different story.
In eight minutes, I'll go and try to track down the owner of The Hive to talk about booking a show.
Itaewon is pretty interesting. It's the foreigner district of Seoul (unofficially, but you can do everything from smoke hookah to get Turkish kebabs to buy Djarum Blacks to track down Kraft Macaroni and Cheese).
Not too long ago I was hanging out at The Hive before hours and I was wondering, well, how did I get in here and why has nobody kicked me out? It's easy; just appear confident and self-assured at all times, and people will assume that you're exactly where you're meant to be. It's probably how those crazy Salahis got into the White House.
This is something I can apply to class. I didn't have any classes this week, so I spent time observing the newer teachers. I observed a teacher with prior Korea and teaching experience and, needless to say, I learned a Hell of a lot. Once again, it's all about appearing confident and self-assured at all times despite whatever else may be going on.
This is something I've known for a while now but I've never really seen it in action as clearly as I have in the past week or so. Moreover, it's not something I feel I've really done with a great deal of success until coming here. To think that I stepped off the plane with nothing but a job and some luggage... and now I'm starting to get shit together. It's like I've made a home for myself here, really. I find it impressive.
All in all, things are going well. It's still strange and difficult at times, and I still get those sudden 'Holy shit, I'm in Korea' moments... but, all in all, things are going well.
I should be off now- I'll rap at you lot later.
-토마스
In eight minutes, I'll go and try to track down the owner of The Hive to talk about booking a show.
Itaewon is pretty interesting. It's the foreigner district of Seoul (unofficially, but you can do everything from smoke hookah to get Turkish kebabs to buy Djarum Blacks to track down Kraft Macaroni and Cheese).
Not too long ago I was hanging out at The Hive before hours and I was wondering, well, how did I get in here and why has nobody kicked me out? It's easy; just appear confident and self-assured at all times, and people will assume that you're exactly where you're meant to be. It's probably how those crazy Salahis got into the White House.
This is something I can apply to class. I didn't have any classes this week, so I spent time observing the newer teachers. I observed a teacher with prior Korea and teaching experience and, needless to say, I learned a Hell of a lot. Once again, it's all about appearing confident and self-assured at all times despite whatever else may be going on.
This is something I've known for a while now but I've never really seen it in action as clearly as I have in the past week or so. Moreover, it's not something I feel I've really done with a great deal of success until coming here. To think that I stepped off the plane with nothing but a job and some luggage... and now I'm starting to get shit together. It's like I've made a home for myself here, really. I find it impressive.
All in all, things are going well. It's still strange and difficult at times, and I still get those sudden 'Holy shit, I'm in Korea' moments... but, all in all, things are going well.
I should be off now- I'll rap at you lot later.
-토마스
Monday, November 30, 2009
Revelations Arrive on a Foggy Day in Incheon.
Today was interesting. A bit of a rollercoaster ride.
I have the day off- I'm taking a few vacation days this week because our students won't have classes. I had plans for lunch today, but they fell through... as fuck. So instead I went up to work, retrieved my iPod, bought some cigarettes and went home.
And the cigarettes fell out of my pocket during my walk.
Regardless, I went up to E-Mart for the first time and found...
Margarine.
PEPPERJACK.
Bulk meat at a cheap price.
SPRAY-ON MOTHERFUCKING STARCH.
So that put me in a good mood. I also did a small bit of Christmas shopping!
Switched some files around with Joel, then had some time to think to myself.
I realized some things about the story I've lived so far... mostly the moral behind it.
Everything you do, say, type... it represents you. Everything. And is everything you do, say and type done, said or typed in a way that you would want to represent you? Think about your standards. Do you meet them? Be honest. Pick yourself apart. If a part of you doesn't meet those standards, then tear it up and start again. Do you want something that seems terribly out of reach? Become the person who deserves it. Don't wait for the final judgment... it happens every day. Do not hesitate. Do not second guess. But do treat your effort as a resource- though it may be intangible, it is valuable. Prioritize. Have a contingency plan together for when the time comes. Focus inward and you'll find that, in doing so, you've exerted pressure outward.
Okay. Going to work on tracks now.
I have the day off- I'm taking a few vacation days this week because our students won't have classes. I had plans for lunch today, but they fell through... as fuck. So instead I went up to work, retrieved my iPod, bought some cigarettes and went home.
And the cigarettes fell out of my pocket during my walk.
Regardless, I went up to E-Mart for the first time and found...
Margarine.
PEPPERJACK.
Bulk meat at a cheap price.
SPRAY-ON MOTHERFUCKING STARCH.
So that put me in a good mood. I also did a small bit of Christmas shopping!
Switched some files around with Joel, then had some time to think to myself.
I realized some things about the story I've lived so far... mostly the moral behind it.
Everything you do, say, type... it represents you. Everything. And is everything you do, say and type done, said or typed in a way that you would want to represent you? Think about your standards. Do you meet them? Be honest. Pick yourself apart. If a part of you doesn't meet those standards, then tear it up and start again. Do you want something that seems terribly out of reach? Become the person who deserves it. Don't wait for the final judgment... it happens every day. Do not hesitate. Do not second guess. But do treat your effort as a resource- though it may be intangible, it is valuable. Prioritize. Have a contingency plan together for when the time comes. Focus inward and you'll find that, in doing so, you've exerted pressure outward.
Okay. Going to work on tracks now.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Change, etc.
So.
The ranks are changing.
A lot of things are changing.
Winter's finally coming into full swing.
It's been warm for the past few days but there's no telling when the first snow will drop. I can feel it. It'll be soon.
As per usual, some of the seasonal effects have kicked in. It's not a big deal.
The ranks, they're changing.
People leaving, new people arriving.
And it feels like it took me a little while to settle into the crew that I came into.
Now that things are changing, I feel as though I have to do it all over again.
I'm not sure if I have it in me. I don't know. It's strange.
I don't know that I'm compatible with the new crew to the extent that I was with the old crew.
Maybe I'm just overanalyzing.
At the same time, I feel like I've been crankier recently.
Not in any seriousness, of course, because even when I'm serious I'm not really taken seriously. Not that I'm bitter, but I'm kind of bitter. Ahhhh, who knows- this may all be the aftereffects of the soju I had tonight at galbi.
It's not that I don't like the new crew. They're cool. Hell, they're even great. Great people, I like them a lot from what I've seen so far. I just worry that I won't be found as likable.
It's stupid, petty shit to consider in light of the fact that I'm six thousand miles from home but, in some way, I've already started to think of my apartment as home. And of Korea as a new home, despite the fact that I still have little knowledge of how to navigate Incheon's streets. Whatevs, though... it feels like home, at least to some extent. It's just weird to think that the remainder of my time here has been changed drastically by recent events. What could happen? Anything. That's usually liberating, but... I don't know. It doesn't feel liberating right about now.
I feel like it's a sign that I need to focus my efforts inward- I truly need to let that which does not truly matter slide and, for once, really focus on myself. Focus on improving my production techniques... take a risk and try producing in Ableton, maybe. I don't know. No idea at all.
There's a bit of baggage I'm carrying with me at the present but I'm trying to keep tight-lipped about it because I don't want to be reminded of it all the time, but it's kind of hard. My brain works overtime to spite me sometimes.
This is essentially just a long-winded, structureless ramble heavily influenced by alcohol and observation. Yeah. I'm signing off for now and maybe hopefully getting some sleep soon, considering the fact that it's five in the Gods damned morning.
Okay.
-토마스
The ranks are changing.
A lot of things are changing.
Winter's finally coming into full swing.
It's been warm for the past few days but there's no telling when the first snow will drop. I can feel it. It'll be soon.
As per usual, some of the seasonal effects have kicked in. It's not a big deal.
The ranks, they're changing.
People leaving, new people arriving.
And it feels like it took me a little while to settle into the crew that I came into.
Now that things are changing, I feel as though I have to do it all over again.
I'm not sure if I have it in me. I don't know. It's strange.
I don't know that I'm compatible with the new crew to the extent that I was with the old crew.
Maybe I'm just overanalyzing.
At the same time, I feel like I've been crankier recently.
Not in any seriousness, of course, because even when I'm serious I'm not really taken seriously. Not that I'm bitter, but I'm kind of bitter. Ahhhh, who knows- this may all be the aftereffects of the soju I had tonight at galbi.
It's not that I don't like the new crew. They're cool. Hell, they're even great. Great people, I like them a lot from what I've seen so far. I just worry that I won't be found as likable.
It's stupid, petty shit to consider in light of the fact that I'm six thousand miles from home but, in some way, I've already started to think of my apartment as home. And of Korea as a new home, despite the fact that I still have little knowledge of how to navigate Incheon's streets. Whatevs, though... it feels like home, at least to some extent. It's just weird to think that the remainder of my time here has been changed drastically by recent events. What could happen? Anything. That's usually liberating, but... I don't know. It doesn't feel liberating right about now.
I feel like it's a sign that I need to focus my efforts inward- I truly need to let that which does not truly matter slide and, for once, really focus on myself. Focus on improving my production techniques... take a risk and try producing in Ableton, maybe. I don't know. No idea at all.
There's a bit of baggage I'm carrying with me at the present but I'm trying to keep tight-lipped about it because I don't want to be reminded of it all the time, but it's kind of hard. My brain works overtime to spite me sometimes.
This is essentially just a long-winded, structureless ramble heavily influenced by alcohol and observation. Yeah. I'm signing off for now and maybe hopefully getting some sleep soon, considering the fact that it's five in the Gods damned morning.
Okay.
-토마스
Saturday, October 24, 2009
The first step is admitting you have a problem.
Hey, you lot.
It's been a while, but I'm back at PC Ghost.
Not out of necessity, though.
A lot has changed.
I have a new co-worker living in the Hambaek, so I'm showing him around.
He doesn't have internet yet, so we're at PC Ghost.
Wanted to show him around, show him how things here work.
Went to Itaewon today.
Evan and Wes helped me drop 80 fliers on the area.
Evan was posting them wherever he could, often times in rather creative places (there was graffiti reading 'boned your mom,' so Evan put one in the middle of the O in 'mom.') He also put them over fliers for other things.
Wes was handing them to people he thought might appreciate my music and gave them a quick rundown of what was happening.
We saw the venue, but we went relatively early so we didn't end up going inside. Most unfortunately. Regardless, I think it'll be pretty solid for my gig.
Speaking of which, I'm getting more and more excited for my first show in Seoul. I can already say with certainty that it won't be my last, though- my crew has a lot of interesting and pragmatic ideas for promotion, so I'm sure I'll get my foot in the door somewhere at some point. I've also been playing my music for a lot of different people to get opinions on which tracks are the best, etc. It's good times. Once I sink a few hundred thousand won into a good Logitech 2.1 speaker setup, I'll be cranking some sick shit out. This is a promise.
In other news, well, there really is no other news. Nothing really mindbending is happening here, to be honest. I mean, I live in a pretty neat part of Korea, but it could be busier and more interesting. Not complaining, though... not at all.
Money's been going a bit more quickly than I'd hoped- I had to pull some money out of my account from home today, unfortunately, because I still have until Nov 5th before I get paid again and, lo and behold, I ran out. It's crazy because I haven't even been going out, getting crunk and being a moron... Hell, I've been walking to work. I'm not sure where the money's gone, but that's the problem with money. On top of that, I pulled in significantly less this month because I didn't have overtime, etc.. I guess my first water bill payment came out, some other stuff. It doesn't much matter, though. I'll be okay. I just didn't want to dip into my savings this early in the game... though I'm sure I'll be able to more than make up for it in the future.
School has been a mix of good and bad. I had to kick a student out of the classroom yesterday for bringing a bunch of paper pouches from the water cooler to class. See, that sounds pretty innocent, but the students somehow find a way to blow air in them and pop them. Which, naturally, does not fly in Thomas Teacher's classes. They've done it before, I asked the Korean teacher to detentionerize them (which may or may not have happened), and they continued to bring the pouches to class. So I'm kicking them out for it. It's a last resort, but it has to happen. On the flipside, I had some extra time with one particular class (who is on a different schedule because of some circumstances) so I threw together a vocabulary review day involving an epic as Hell game of castle-conquering. Oddly enough, the girls in the class loved it to death. I tried to adapt it to a baseball game for a class of eighteen, but.. that's the class with the water pouch addiction. I couldn't get them to quiet down for long enough to start the game. It was a sad day.
What else... I tried to get some input from my students. I want to know what they like about my classes, what they don't like, what can be better, etc... the results were mostly predictable (boring, ditch the book, nothing is good about your class, etc) but I had a few that really stood out. Along the lines of 'Thomas Teacher is getting better but it is not finished yet. He shows us many fantastic picture.' Though nothing really trumps 'you need to smile more because if you smile we know you are not angry.' The adorable factor from that comment... oh man. So I've been trying to smile more, trying to be more of a goofball with my students... it makes them happy, it makes me happy.. it's good times.
I think I wasn't smiling in classes before because, well, I have a sneaking suspicion that one of my big problems is that I've lost a good deal of passion for life. I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just trying to self-analyze. I remember when things would make me jump out of my skin with excitement; not much does it these days though, I'm afraid. Not much has done it for a while. I've been a bit of a shell of a Thom, chasing skirts around because should something actually happen, well, that'd be a thrill of sorts. I don't know. Even in Korea, I've kind of being doing the same old shit... letting my relations with women dictate my mood.
The first step is admitting you have a problem.
I think I'm starting to get better about it, though, albeit rather slowly. I think I started to get better at it three sentences ago, actually. I need to remember that it's not the end-all, be-all... but considering how I spent my time in middle school and high school, I think it can be chalked up to a case of 'wanting what you never really had,' the thing in question being game. Though I might've had a bit of that in the past. Whatever, doesn't matter now- it can't be my first priority because it can't be my first priority. Other things matter more.
Other things like getting a studio together, getting my life started, all of that noise. My life isn't going to get started unless I start it; it's just a shame I didn't realize that until it seemed like it was too late. Though I doubt any other circumstance would've done it.
What else... Joel is in Malaysia this weekend for a wedding. He's bringing a carton of cloves back for me. I don't know what brand they'll be or if I'll even like them, but it's times like now that I can't help but say 'EAT IT, AMERICA, I WILL SOON HAVE WHAT YOU CONSIDER CONTRABAND THESE DAYS.'
And that's what I have. Also, I realized that I'd been spelling my name incorrectly in Korean- the letters I'd been using would be pronounced 'Toh-maht.' Not quite there.
-토마스
(Toh-mah-suh)
It's been a while, but I'm back at PC Ghost.
Not out of necessity, though.
A lot has changed.
I have a new co-worker living in the Hambaek, so I'm showing him around.
He doesn't have internet yet, so we're at PC Ghost.
Wanted to show him around, show him how things here work.
Went to Itaewon today.
Evan and Wes helped me drop 80 fliers on the area.
Evan was posting them wherever he could, often times in rather creative places (there was graffiti reading 'boned your mom,' so Evan put one in the middle of the O in 'mom.') He also put them over fliers for other things.
Wes was handing them to people he thought might appreciate my music and gave them a quick rundown of what was happening.
We saw the venue, but we went relatively early so we didn't end up going inside. Most unfortunately. Regardless, I think it'll be pretty solid for my gig.
Speaking of which, I'm getting more and more excited for my first show in Seoul. I can already say with certainty that it won't be my last, though- my crew has a lot of interesting and pragmatic ideas for promotion, so I'm sure I'll get my foot in the door somewhere at some point. I've also been playing my music for a lot of different people to get opinions on which tracks are the best, etc. It's good times. Once I sink a few hundred thousand won into a good Logitech 2.1 speaker setup, I'll be cranking some sick shit out. This is a promise.
In other news, well, there really is no other news. Nothing really mindbending is happening here, to be honest. I mean, I live in a pretty neat part of Korea, but it could be busier and more interesting. Not complaining, though... not at all.
Money's been going a bit more quickly than I'd hoped- I had to pull some money out of my account from home today, unfortunately, because I still have until Nov 5th before I get paid again and, lo and behold, I ran out. It's crazy because I haven't even been going out, getting crunk and being a moron... Hell, I've been walking to work. I'm not sure where the money's gone, but that's the problem with money. On top of that, I pulled in significantly less this month because I didn't have overtime, etc.. I guess my first water bill payment came out, some other stuff. It doesn't much matter, though. I'll be okay. I just didn't want to dip into my savings this early in the game... though I'm sure I'll be able to more than make up for it in the future.
School has been a mix of good and bad. I had to kick a student out of the classroom yesterday for bringing a bunch of paper pouches from the water cooler to class. See, that sounds pretty innocent, but the students somehow find a way to blow air in them and pop them. Which, naturally, does not fly in Thomas Teacher's classes. They've done it before, I asked the Korean teacher to detentionerize them (which may or may not have happened), and they continued to bring the pouches to class. So I'm kicking them out for it. It's a last resort, but it has to happen. On the flipside, I had some extra time with one particular class (who is on a different schedule because of some circumstances) so I threw together a vocabulary review day involving an epic as Hell game of castle-conquering. Oddly enough, the girls in the class loved it to death. I tried to adapt it to a baseball game for a class of eighteen, but.. that's the class with the water pouch addiction. I couldn't get them to quiet down for long enough to start the game. It was a sad day.
What else... I tried to get some input from my students. I want to know what they like about my classes, what they don't like, what can be better, etc... the results were mostly predictable (boring, ditch the book, nothing is good about your class, etc) but I had a few that really stood out. Along the lines of 'Thomas Teacher is getting better but it is not finished yet. He shows us many fantastic picture.' Though nothing really trumps 'you need to smile more because if you smile we know you are not angry.' The adorable factor from that comment... oh man. So I've been trying to smile more, trying to be more of a goofball with my students... it makes them happy, it makes me happy.. it's good times.
I think I wasn't smiling in classes before because, well, I have a sneaking suspicion that one of my big problems is that I've lost a good deal of passion for life. I'm not depressed or anything, I'm just trying to self-analyze. I remember when things would make me jump out of my skin with excitement; not much does it these days though, I'm afraid. Not much has done it for a while. I've been a bit of a shell of a Thom, chasing skirts around because should something actually happen, well, that'd be a thrill of sorts. I don't know. Even in Korea, I've kind of being doing the same old shit... letting my relations with women dictate my mood.
The first step is admitting you have a problem.
I think I'm starting to get better about it, though, albeit rather slowly. I think I started to get better at it three sentences ago, actually. I need to remember that it's not the end-all, be-all... but considering how I spent my time in middle school and high school, I think it can be chalked up to a case of 'wanting what you never really had,' the thing in question being game. Though I might've had a bit of that in the past. Whatever, doesn't matter now- it can't be my first priority because it can't be my first priority. Other things matter more.
Other things like getting a studio together, getting my life started, all of that noise. My life isn't going to get started unless I start it; it's just a shame I didn't realize that until it seemed like it was too late. Though I doubt any other circumstance would've done it.
What else... Joel is in Malaysia this weekend for a wedding. He's bringing a carton of cloves back for me. I don't know what brand they'll be or if I'll even like them, but it's times like now that I can't help but say 'EAT IT, AMERICA, I WILL SOON HAVE WHAT YOU CONSIDER CONTRABAND THESE DAYS.'
And that's what I have. Also, I realized that I'd been spelling my name incorrectly in Korean- the letters I'd been using would be pronounced 'Toh-maht.' Not quite there.
-토마스
(Toh-mah-suh)
Saturday, October 17, 2009
The Three Month Mark...
As of this coming Tuesday, October 20th, I will have been in Korea for three months.
Everyone says that time flies when you're overseas- it's true, but I do understand that this is just the beginning. Everyone also says that culture shock sets in around the three month mark, which may or may not be true. I've felt some uneasiness about being here, missing home and all of that, but... I think my experience may be somewhat unique. Somewhat. I don't know.
Yesterday night was a going-away shindig for one of my co-workers; a casualty to the stress of everything. Things are still rough at work... but it's all coming to a close, hopefully sooner than later. Anyway, we went up to Touchdown for drinks, pool, darts and witty banter. A lot of the Korean teachers came as well, which was nice because I don't ever really see them outside of work and our relationship seems to be mostly professional, so. It was definitely interesting, especially when they took us to...
DRINK BOOZE FROM BOWLS. Touchdown is primarily a foreigner bar. Granted, some Koreans go there quite often, but it definitely has a foreigner atmosphere. So the Korean teachers took us to a different place which serves rice alcohol in teapots, to be poured into small tin bowls for the sipping. There was soju and many, many a drinking game... followed by much ridiculous behavior that will make me see the teachers in a different light on Monday. It's that feeling when you have your first night out with co-workers.. you realize that they're quite different outside of the office and, maybe, not as different from you as you thought.
All of this talk about going home from my co-worker really made me miss home.. he showed me videos of himself and his friends back home, told me about his future plans.. and yeah, I missed home. A lot. Last night kind of solidified my belief that this is where I'm supposed to be right now, though; the two of us are pretty much polar opposites at face value but, again, in the end, we aren't so different. I just thought we were because I was taking things at face value.
Yesterday afternoon consisted mostly of preparing my set for Halloween. I'm at about the halfway point right now, but it did involve stemming out a remix that was done half in Ableton and half in Reason. It's already a pain in the ass stemming stuff out from Reason, and adding Ableton to the mix just made it more complicated... but I digress.
So, being two days removed from the three month mark, I can say that I've grown quite a bit: I can eat and enjoy spicy foods, though my tolerance still needs some work; my alcohol tolerance is going up so I won't have as many problems that come with being a lightweight in the future; I'm becoming more financially disciplined, insisting on saving the majority of my salary every month; I'm becoming more disciplined overall, forming a strong sense of duty; I'm becoming more socially adequate, able to assert myself when need be. The only thing I can see that I really need to work on at this point is state of mind and emotional maturity; I tend to let small things get me down for a while, and that needs to change because life never stops throwing punches... if you let the jabs bother you, then you're in trouble.
I'm one quarter of the way through with my contract (despite much adversity) and I'm still going strong. I don't expect the 'going strong' part to change anytime soon.
Be well, friends and family.
-Thomas
Everyone says that time flies when you're overseas- it's true, but I do understand that this is just the beginning. Everyone also says that culture shock sets in around the three month mark, which may or may not be true. I've felt some uneasiness about being here, missing home and all of that, but... I think my experience may be somewhat unique. Somewhat. I don't know.
Yesterday night was a going-away shindig for one of my co-workers; a casualty to the stress of everything. Things are still rough at work... but it's all coming to a close, hopefully sooner than later. Anyway, we went up to Touchdown for drinks, pool, darts and witty banter. A lot of the Korean teachers came as well, which was nice because I don't ever really see them outside of work and our relationship seems to be mostly professional, so. It was definitely interesting, especially when they took us to...
DRINK BOOZE FROM BOWLS. Touchdown is primarily a foreigner bar. Granted, some Koreans go there quite often, but it definitely has a foreigner atmosphere. So the Korean teachers took us to a different place which serves rice alcohol in teapots, to be poured into small tin bowls for the sipping. There was soju and many, many a drinking game... followed by much ridiculous behavior that will make me see the teachers in a different light on Monday. It's that feeling when you have your first night out with co-workers.. you realize that they're quite different outside of the office and, maybe, not as different from you as you thought.
All of this talk about going home from my co-worker really made me miss home.. he showed me videos of himself and his friends back home, told me about his future plans.. and yeah, I missed home. A lot. Last night kind of solidified my belief that this is where I'm supposed to be right now, though; the two of us are pretty much polar opposites at face value but, again, in the end, we aren't so different. I just thought we were because I was taking things at face value.
Yesterday afternoon consisted mostly of preparing my set for Halloween. I'm at about the halfway point right now, but it did involve stemming out a remix that was done half in Ableton and half in Reason. It's already a pain in the ass stemming stuff out from Reason, and adding Ableton to the mix just made it more complicated... but I digress.
So, being two days removed from the three month mark, I can say that I've grown quite a bit: I can eat and enjoy spicy foods, though my tolerance still needs some work; my alcohol tolerance is going up so I won't have as many problems that come with being a lightweight in the future; I'm becoming more financially disciplined, insisting on saving the majority of my salary every month; I'm becoming more disciplined overall, forming a strong sense of duty; I'm becoming more socially adequate, able to assert myself when need be. The only thing I can see that I really need to work on at this point is state of mind and emotional maturity; I tend to let small things get me down for a while, and that needs to change because life never stops throwing punches... if you let the jabs bother you, then you're in trouble.
I'm one quarter of the way through with my contract (despite much adversity) and I'm still going strong. I don't expect the 'going strong' part to change anytime soon.
Be well, friends and family.
-Thomas
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